This saturday, as I was getting ready to leave, I had the worst attitude. Will had been a mess for the past couple hours with teething and a little bit of a cold. I was frustrated and tired. And I was mad at Chris for not being around to help me (t-minus 15 days until tax season is over, praise the heavens). I got the times mixed up and ended up having to rush out the door with baby snot all over my shirt, feeling so not put together.
As I made the drive, I contemplated turning around and going somewhere else. Skipping the broadcast so that I could be alone and wallow in my self-pity. The last thing I wanted to do was sit reverently in a church building with all of this anger built up inside of me. I wanted to be mad.
But something made me keep driving. And I'm so grateful for that, because there was a specific message that I needed to hear that day.
In the talk Sister Oscarson gave she quoted Patricia T. Holland, "The point is, we simply cannot call ourselves Christian and continue to judge one another our ourselves so harshly". That line hit me like a ton of bricks. We all know that judging others is wrong, but do we ever realize it is just as damaging and un-christian like to judge ourselves so harshly?
She went on to say, "We as women can be particularly hard on ourselves. When we compare ourselves to others, we will always feel inadequate or resentful of others... We need to relax and rejoice in our divine differences." I think most all of us can agree that we are harder on ourselves than we are on anybody else. It is such a rare gift to be able to accept ourselves for EXACTLY who we are.
We recently moved into a new home, in a new neighborhood. And it has been a bit of a struggle for me to find exactly where I fit in. I have found myself trying to change a little bit here and there to make friends. Not a lot, but a little.. And WHAT THE HECK. Why as women, do we feel as if we need to change ourselves to fit into a certain stereo-type? It's such a sad and terrible cycle that we put ourselves through.
There is power in loving yourself; in knowing who you are, accepting it, and sharing it with the world. The constant battle in our minds of not being good enough is so degrading not only to our spirits, but to our Heavenly Father, who created us all perfectly. I'm sure it will be a life-long battle, but it is overwhelmingly important nonetheless.
There is so much more to each of us than how long and thick our hair is, how clean and tidy our house is, how many miles we can run (or can't), how put together and well-behaved our children are, how pretty our flower beds look, or how successful we are in our career.
There is a deeper, more profound beauty in each of us. And the most important part isn't that others see it. But that we see it in ourselves.
These past couple months, I feel like I have been dragging my feet spiritually. In a rut, if you will. And I've found that to be the norm as I look back on my life. I go up and down, and up and down. I will be the first to admit that I need to be more solid in that area of my life. But that's what is so great about having general conference twice a year. It helps keep you on track, and pull you out of your spiritual plateaus.
This Saturday and Sunday, general conference will be held. I encourage everyone to watch and let the messages uplift you. It doesn't matter what religion you may be, the words spoken are for everyone. You can find live sessions at lds.org, or watch them later there as well.
Here's to letting others pick us up when we are dragging- happy Monday everyone!