I've accomplished a lot in these past two days. It was a nice reminder that I am still me. I thought the old me was lost forever... No seriously, I did.
I apologize for my last post. Kind of. But the encouragement and understanding words from friends and strangers who have been down the same path definitely reassured me that this little angel inside of me, is indeed worth it.
So let me tell the proper story of how this baby came to be... I'm actually going to leave a lot of details out, for the sake of everyones innocence.
Long story short- after many nights (at least 2 months worth) of crying, begging Chris to at least consider the possibility of having a baby.. he caved. Not because he wanted a baby. But because he wanted to have a happy wife. He agreed to let us begin to start trying for a baby in January of 2013. I can't even begin to tell you how happy I was, considering our original plan was to wait until 2015 to get pregnant. But because of the fact that I didn't want to have a baby in the middle of tax season, when Chris is never home, we agreed that we would only try for 3 months and then we would stop for 4 months.
-In my mind: Okay, due to my "girl problems" and family history, it'll take me AT LEAST a year to get pregnant, if I'm lucky. And if I'm really really lucky, we'll get pregnant by like September 2013. Gahhh that feels like forever away, but I'll take it.
- In Chris's mind: Okay, she's told me a million times that it takes most women about a year to get pregnant with their first baby.. so at that rate, we won't get pregnant until like.. December 2013. Okay, I think I can do that..
(If I have any guy readers, you may want to skip this part. Girls will understand.) So I talked to my doctor. He said it would take at least three months after getting off my birth control for my body to "normal out" and be ready to start trying for a baby. So somehow, I managed to persuade Chris that I needed to take out my IUD by the first of October. Of course we would use other preventative methods until January.. which we did.. (sorry TMI?) But lo and behold, baby J wasn't going to stand for that. So he/she decided to come.
So obviously I had ZERO idea I was pregnant. One night I got really emotional, and while Chris and I were laying in bed I asked him, "Can we please say a prayer that when we start trying for our baby, that I can be patient? That I can know that our baby is on the Lord's time, and not ours. That my body will be healthy enough to sustain a pregnancy?" Of course he said yes. So as we knelt together, Chris prayed that we could be accepting of whenever our baby decided to come to us... even if it took years.. Little did he know that he was actually praying that we could be accepting of the fact that this baby was actually coming a year too early. Looking back now, I just think Heavenly Father was probably up there chuckling to himself, "They have no idea.. hahahaha.."
That night, I had a dream. That I saw a pregnancy test. And it was positive. I didn't know who's it was, but I was so happy for them. When I woke up that morning, I couldn't get that dream out of my head. I sat in bed thinking, "I should take a pregnancy test... Just for fun, ya know?" And then I instantly fought myself, "No Lauren. That is stupid, and you will only be disappointed. Do NOT waste the only stick you have left."
This fight continued in my head for about five minutes.. until I jumped out of bed, ran into my bathroom, and took the test. As soon as I took the test, I set it on the counter and thought, "Whhhyyyyy did you do that to yourself?!?!! You're going to be so sad all day as soon as you see the words 'Not Pregnant' on that screen.."
So I decided I wasn't going to look at it. I left it in the bathroom and went and got ready for the day. When I came back like 15 minutes later to wash my face and fix my hair, I went to grab the test and throw it away. But when I looked down, the magical words appeared. PREGNANT. I can't even begin to describe that moment. I just remember looking up at myself in the mirror. I felt pretty dizzy all the sudden. It was like an out of body experience. Of course I started sobbing. I knelt down right there in my bathroom to thank my Heavenly Father for sending us one of his tiny angels.
And then I got really scared. What if this test was a false negative?! Within two seconds I was in my car on the way to the store to buy more tests. I literally bought eight more tests. I drove home and after taking two more positive tests, I decided they probably weren't all wrong.
I had to get at least two different brands... for reassurance sake, ya know?
So I called my doctor cause I had no idea how far along I was. He told me to come in that day for some blood work. After we got the results back, he told me I was about 5 weeks along. I did the math and figured out that Baby J was conceived only 3 weeks after I took out my IUD. Just call me Fertile Mertile.
Overall, even though this baby was a definite surprise, I definitely feel very blessed. Blessed that I was able to get pregnant so quickly, even if it was sooner than we'd hoped for. Blessed that Heavenly Father thinks highly enough of us to raise one of his children. Blessed that this baby chose us. Blessed that I haven't been too sick. Blessed to have a family who is just as excited as we are. Blessed to have Chris by my side through all of this. Blessed that Chris is my babies daddy.. hopefully.... haha, just kidding.
Most of the time, this pregnancy doesn't feel real. We've been lucky enough to have three ultrasounds so far. Seeing that little heartbeat is truly one of the coolest things in this world. And at our last ultrasound, it actually looked like a baby. So that was pretty good reassurance after our second ultrasound had us concerned that we were having a spider..
5 weeks, do you see that tiny little dot?! Baby J's first photo!
6.5 weeks. See what I mean about "spider"? It literally has 4 legs..
10.5 weeks. Finally looks like a baby! Lets hope it's head evens out a little..
This post is getting lengthy, so stay tuned for the story of how I told Chris.. Let's just say.. he wasn't happy. Not even an ounce. And I have a video to prove it.