Saturday, September 8

Scary dreams and poop stories.

So here it is. My dreams have been on crack lately.
Almost every morning ("morning" includes 2:00 a.m.) I roll over in a sweaty mess and tell Robins about another, "scary dream".
Damn those dreams.
Last night was the final straw. I had a dream about my precious neice Aleah (go here to remember just how incredibly precious she is) and it was just.. so real life. And so heart-wrenching.
So after being depressed in bed for a while, I had to get up and do reality stuff.
I went to work. And I sat at my desk, and I just could. not. get. it. out. of. my. head. My stomach knots were turning into chills, and my chills were making me think I had to pee every five minutes. So obviously it made me really useful in getting work done.
I gave in. I finally called my little Aleah just to make sure she was okay. When I heard her voice, my eyes started watering and my voice started sounding real ugly like.
Me: Aleah? Oh my gosh. Thank goodness. You're okay right? I mean, like, you're having a good day and stuff?
Aleah: Yeah...? I guess so.
Me: (about to yell in the phone, "dont ever get near another balcony again, do you hear me!!!?!?") Okay, well I just love you.
Aleah: (...confused mumble..) love you too.

Oh my gosh. I was so happy to hear she was okay. I knoooooooooowww, it was just a dream. But it was freakishly real. And sickening. And it made me think about how it will only be ten times worse when I start dreaming about my own little nuggets someday. Speaking of nuggets! Let me tell you two funny "nugget related" stories to counteract this depressing post.

1. I work at an apartment complex, so I get people calling in with complaints allll the time. It gets old. But sometimes it gets really funny. This guy called in the other day and told me, "somebody took a giant turd in my toilet. And they left dirty little handprints all over the bathroom. And I know what you're thinking, but NO- it wasn't me. I would've remembered. And I definitely would have flushed that crap down. Nothing was stolen though, and all the doors were locked when I got home.. so I don't know how they got in, but they did" WWWHAATTT!?!?!? I was trying to hold in my hysterics over the phone so he didn't get offended. Basically this guy was calling to complain that some mysterious poop burgaler had broken into his house, taken a turd in his toilet, washed his hands, and locked the doors on his way out.. I died. And one of our friends suggested that we go leave a mysterious box of poop on his doorstep just to freak him out more. Hahhaaha.
2. I was babysitting my nephew Tyce the other day and he just so happens to be potty training. So I took him into the bathroom to let him go pee. He prefers to do it the real mans way, so he has to stand at the toilet, instead of just sitting on it. So after about ten minutes of grunting, with no pee in sight, I asked him if he wanted to just try later. "NO! It's coming!" he said. So I'm just standing there, trying not to look at him, and all of the sudden a huge poop ball falls out onto my rug. "I'm done" he said with a little smirk. I was baffled. I didn't even know what to do with the poop ball. It was almost like it was just looking at me. I just stared at it. And eventually put it in the toilet. Potty training fail.

Anyways.. life is good. Poop and all. Other than those dreams I keep having.
I'm convinced bad dreams come from Satan. Truly, I am. And if you're listening Satan, I never EVER EVER wanna have a dream anything like that ever again. Idiot.


  1. Laur, please never stop writing on this blog. You are the bright spot in a sometimes mindless day. I love reading about your fun life.

    Ps. Crazy dreams are often a side effect of pregnancy. I'm just sayin'.

  2. hahahahahaha oh my gosh, I am laughing out loud! (bullet #2)

  3. Hahaha You and your love of poop stories. I just remember Student Government camp when Carson was so upset with the "turd burglars" because we left a can of chili in his toilet like it was poop.

  4. PS I hope it's not weird that all poop stories remind me of you?


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